Hello, Grief Ally!

I bet you never expected to be supporting someone in your "circle" who is grieving the loss of a close loved one. Maybe it's your friend. Or your neighbor. Or a colleague, or a member of your extended family.

In any case, someone close to you is now grieving, and you’ve found yourself in a position to support them.

Here's what I've noticed: people really wish they could "fix" the situation. (I totally get that — I do, too.) So they either say things they think might help fix it, or — not knowing what to say — they say nothing.

The thing is, no one can truly "fix" the issue. Finding just the right words won't change the fact that someone died. There is no actual "fix" here.

What an ally can really do is this:

• Fix logistical problems, like the need for food and rides.

• Be there. And agree that yes, this is awful, and let them know you're right there with them, and won't run away when it gets uncomfortable.

After experiencing the terminal illness and death of my 44-year-old husband — and talking with many other widowed parents — I've identified some key principles of being a good Grief Ally.

I put together some resources right here on this page for Grief Allies who want to support a grieving person in their life.

On behalf of grieving people everywhere: thank you.