Dr. Lisa Damour on Parenting Teenage Girls (ENCORE EPISODE)

“The greatest gift we can give our teenagers if we can is to be really boring and self-sufficient as parents, to allow them to be the ones whose lives feel a little unsteady and unpredictable and drama-filled. That’s sort of what it means to be a teenager. And so if we can surround them with a pretty stable and boring environment, where we’re meeting our needs in lots of ways that don’t necessarily depend on them, I think that’s a huge gift.”

— Dr. Lisa Damour

ENCORE EPISODE - originally published February 13, 2019

I had such a useful and fascinating discussion with Dr. Lisa Damour for this episode. Lisa is a clinical psychologist and is the New York Times bestselling author of Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, and the brand-new Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls.

I’m very glad to bring you my discussion with Lisa for this episode. One of the questions I hear a lot is “how do I know if something is a grief issue or a normal teenage issue?” I figure, since she’s an expert in teenage girls, who better to help us understand our daughters, and to help us understand what “normal” looks like. And then, when we have a better grasp on what’s normal, we can also better understand when we should potentially be concerned.

Lisa and I talked about a wide range of topics:

• The seven developmental tasks that teenagers are working on;

• Parting with childhood, including what this looks like and when to be concerned;

• Joining a new tribe, including why having 1-2 close friends at this age is actually preferable to having a large circle of friends;

• Harnessing emotions, including how teenagers’ brains undergo a massive upgrade, beginning with the emotion centers;

• Why parents need to be strong enough to withstand their teenager pushing away, and why this is complicated by bereavement;

• Serving as the emotional dumping ground for your teenager; and

• How stress and anxiety are normal and healthy functions for all people, teenagers included.

I hope you enjoy my discussion with Dr. Lisa Damour.

Links & resources for this episode

• drlisadamour.com

• Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, by Dr. Lisa Damour

• Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls, by Dr. Lisa Damour

• When Tragedy and Adolescence Clash, Helping Grieving Teenagers Cope – New York Times

• Lisa’s Untangled video series

• Lisa’s articles for the New York Times & other outlets

• The difference between adults and grown ups - Dr. Lisa Damour at TEDxCLE

More links for listeners

• Download: Kids & Grief: What You Need to Know

• Article: I’m a Widowed Mom: Here Are My 3 Tips for COVID-19 Widows

• Book: Widowed Parents Unite: 52 Tips to Get Through the First Year, from One Widowed Parent to Another

Thank you sponsors & partners:

Help Texts - Grief support text messaging service. Tips and support delivered all year long, personalized based on your loss. Listeners get $10 off: https://helptexts.com/jennylisk

BetterHelp - Talk with a licensed, professional therapist online. Get 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/widowedparent

Support the show - Chip in at BuyMeACoffee.com

What is your biggest challenge as a widowed parent right now?

Call our voice mailbox at (669)257-3434 and leave a message. Or, answer this quick one-question survey. We’ll work with experts to answer listener questions in future episodes & articles.

---