Karen Paul on the "Acts of Defiance" of Her First Year of Widowhood
“I felt that first year that one of my most important jobs was to make our house feel like a safe space again for my family and my kids.”
— Karen Paul
I had such a great discussion with Karen Paul for this episode. Karen is a widowed mom who lives in the Washington, DC, area. Her husband, like mine, died of glioblastoma – and as we compared notes, we realized our husbands were sick at the exact same time. As I said to her, I think we could have talked all afternoon, about the similarities and differences in our experiences. Listen for Karen telling us all about her year of “defiance,” when she did all the things they say not to do in the first year of widowhood.
Some topics Karen and I discuss include:
Hearing about glioblastoma for the first time when Beau Biden died of it -- just before her own husband was diagnosed with the same thing;
The beautiful post Sheryl Sandberg made 30 days after her husband died, which came out on the same day Karen’s husband was diagnosed;
Becoming a full-time caregiver from the very beginning of her husband’s illness, and how this shifted her relationship with her husband;
The acts of ‘defiance’ she embraced in her first year of widowhood;
The memorial tattoos she and her kids all got;
Getting a dog during that first year of grieving;
Changing jobs after her husband died;
Unexpectedly meeting a new partner;
Learning to accept the duality so common in widowhood that two things can be true and that’s ok;
Burning out in the second year of widowhood, and how she dealt with that;
Getting support from a local organization, Caring Matters, and subsequently joining their Board of Trustees; and
Thinking deliberately about how she wants to rebuild her life.
I hope you enjoy my discussion with Karen Paul.
Links & resources for this episode
Karen’s blog
Karen Paul on Twitter
Lilith Magazine - Defiance: A Year of Flying in the Face of Grief
Washington Post: My husband is dying. Caring for him is an emotional roller coaster. by Karen Paul-Stern
Washington Post: I support Obama’s cancer ‘moonshot.’ Unfortunately, it won’t save me. by Jonathan Stern
More links for listeners
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