If You Could Say One Thing to Widowed Parents, What Would it Be? (Part 1)
The author’s late husband with their kids in earlier times. Photo credit Jenny Lisk.
I hear so often from widowed parents that they feel lost and alone.
They don’t know anyone else who is widowed with kids or teens in their neighborhood or their kids’ school communities.
They’re not sure how to do this new job of widowed parenting.
They’re not sure who can even help.
When I started the Widowed Parent Podcast, my number one goal was to learn what I needed to know about parenting grieving children – and to share what I was learning so my listeners could learn, too.
It turns out there are a lot of us widowed parents out there. It’s been my privilege to interview many of them for my show, and I hear from listeners all the time that hearing about the journeys and reflections of other widowed moms and dads is helpful.
Longtime listeners will know that I always ask some variation of this question at the end of the show:
“If you could say one thing to widowed parents, what would it be?”
I’ve gone back through the first 100 episodes of the Widowed Parent Podcast and pulled clips from eleven of my guests who answered this question. These are seasoned widowed parents. People who are down the path a bit, and have some reflections to share with all of us.
Here are some highlights:
Melissa Gould, author of the memoir Widowish:
“Becoming widowed in midlife is so unsettling and so traumatic, and I think it's so important that people relieve themselves of any expectations of how they should be grieving. I think you probably hear this a lot, but there's no right way to grieve, just as there is no wrong way.”
Full discussion with Melissa is here.
Tembi Locke, author of the memoir From Scratch:
“Take it easy. Allow time for rest when you can find it, and please be gentle with yourself. Just be gentle. It's hard work.”
Full discussion with Tembi is here.
Karen Paul:
“Know that what your life looks like today is not what your life is going to look like in six months or a year or two years or five years. And it's really, really hard to see that, especially when you're in the very new throes of loss and grief, but your life continues.”
Full discussion with Karen is here.
Will Owens:
“You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be good enough. You know, if you're there for your child or your children, if you're there emotionally for them showing them that you're emotionally available for them, then you've got this, you can do it.”
Full discussion with Will is here.
Elke Thompson, author of children’s grief books including Is Daddy Coming Back in a Minute?:
“If your child is old enough to ask a question, they're old enough to hear an answer. And protect them with the best version of the truth.”
Full discussion with Elke is here.
Leslie Gray Streeter, author of the memoir Black Widow:
“It is OK to ask for help. It is if help is available, it is OK to ask for help. It is also OK to tell people that they’re not the parent, that you are, and that you don't have to do what they are suggesting.”
Full discussion with Leslie is here.
Gary Ireland:
“Find the best in the person that has moved on and really pay tribute to that.”
Full discussion with Gary is here.
Maria Quiban Whitesell, author of the memoir You Can’t Do It Alone:
“I think as long as you're honest with [your kids] and honest with yourself and you surround yourself with the right village, you're going to be OK. You're going to get through it.”
Full discussion with Maria is here.
Pamela Addison:
“As hard as it is, and I know we're never going to fully heal from this traumatic experience, but I truly believe that it does get better. And it's going to take time.”
Full discussion with Pamela is here.
Dennis Murphy:
“I did not get help right away for the kids, I didn't get help right away for myself. You know, I did end up doing some counseling. I didn't do it right away. I should have.”
Full discussion with Dennis is here.
Karen Millsap:
“Don't give up. Because you have a lot of people around here who are in the same boat as you and they can help you. And if it's not talking to somebody, read something. Listen to something.”
Full discussion with Karen is here.
I’m grateful to these and all my guests for sharing their journeys, experiences, and expertise with my listeners. For more, be sure to check out Episode 100: Best of Show, Part 1: Conversations with Widowed Parents. If you’re new to the Widowed Parent Podcast, you can also start here on Spotify.
Editor’s note: Several of these widowed parents have essays in my latest book, Widowed Parents Unite: 52 Tips to Get Through the First Year, from One Widowed Parent to Another. Read an excerpt here.
